...pack up a bag and hit the highway for home. *sigh* I have too many obligations to go off and do that. School, work, family... Its just that, this weekend...well past few weeks have been emotionally unbalanced. I'm a moody person, but I've been swinging more than usual lately and its starting to scare me a little. I don't want to hit my lowest of the low. Especially now that I found someone special, Mr. N. But its almost like I feel its coming. Some nights, its almost like I can feel the darkness fill me. I don't want my darkness to affect him...or anyone, for that matter.
I got to find a way to deal. To do it on my own. My moms says I need to ask for help, talk to someone...but I don't like that. It makes me feel weak... I'm use to holding it all inside. I've been doing it for so long, I don't really want to change that. Its what I'm comfortable with. There's just so much. My mind is so occupied. I've been forgetting things, slacking here and there. I've lost my focus.
When I was younger, when I was riding home with my mom and sis in the backseat, there would be this street light we would take a left at to go home. Some evenings, when the sunset was just right and the pink, purple, and blue in the sky was announcing the night...I wished my mom would just make a right. Just spur of the moment, make a right and we would go away...anywhere.
Thats what I want to do. Just one day, after class or whatnot, I would look at the sky and think, "This is the day, this is the moment." And just drive...find my way "home."