Yes, Yes Ya'll...
It's that tima again, New Years Eve!
Like I said before, I shall be at work when the ball drops...so I'm wishing you all a Happy New Year! I hope you have realized or found your own personal reason to appreciate the year that has passed. Whether it's good or bad, hopefully you learned something. Haha. I hope the best for you and yours in the new year. Remember, it is a blessing to be alive to see this day. So before you get drunk out your mind, thank the heavens. 'Kay?
I'm trying to finish up laundry. Not suppose to wash clothes on New Years Day, my Grandma told me that too. Haha. =] I'm kind of sleepy right now. I might as well shake that off, bout to head to work in a few.
Well, see ya in the New Year. Remember, each day...each year, is what you make it. Live out loud!


Taking It Back One Hour...
since I'm in a different time zone now.
On the way to Alabama, going through the mountains.
 Well, getting up Monday morn wasn't as hard as I expected. We got on the road and headed to Ol Bama. Once we all arrived, we got straight to work. Three flights of stairs, three flights I say! I got my exercise in for the week. I'm still feeling sore today.
  Speaking of today... My moms, big sis, and I went out on the town. Haha. Ate Denny's...which I probably should have passed on. I'm not a big breakfast person. Sometimes, it makes me feel bad...don't know why. Anywho, we went to the mall and SuperTarget. I hardly find anything in the mall. Maybe a shirt here or there...nothing too extravagant though. We went to White Barn and I got me a nice plug-in air freshener. Can't wait to put that bad boy in my dorm room. I found me a cute bra in target. This is a big deal! I'm a sports bra girl. I only own one black push-up bra, which I got in high school when I was on danceline. Now, I got this white and red snowflake one. Woot, I'm moving on up...literally.
  So, New Year's Eve! When the ball drops, I will be just getting off work. Yeah. 10PM-12AM. It's not so bad...I didn't have any plans. At least I will be bringing the New Year in making money. Hm...I don't know...I'm hoping some of my friends will come rescue me or have some get-together going on once I'm off.
  Don't forget, a man should be the first to walk through your door on New Years, its good luck. That's what my Grandma says, so eh...I believe it. =] Maybe The Baller will be helpful in that department. We shall see, I shall post.

Taking It Back, Wayyy Back...
 Okay, maybe not "wayyy back." Well, tonight I was transferring some music files from my old computer at home. My sis [even my my on occasion] and I were jammin'! 
Remember these?
  • Emotion - Destiny's Child
  • Don't Leave Me Girl - Blackstreet
  • If I Ever Fall in Love - Shai [I love the acapella version!]
  • Bestfriend - Brandy
  • I Want To Be Your Man - Zapp & Roger
  • Gone - *NSYNC [Yeah, I took it there.]
  • Swing My Way - Inoj
There was more...but you get the idea. Haha. I need to get "Computer Love" by Zapp & Roger. I heard that on the radio the other day. Yes, I was getting down in the car on that one.



On The Road Again...
Tomo...well...Today, I shall be on the move again to Alabama. 
  I made it back to Atlanta around 7-8. Before I left home, I visited my old friend. We had a good ol time catching each other up, when I finally found her house. I know I have been there plenty of times, but it had been so long. I don't know, it just seemed smaller than I remembered. I always thought her house was so huge! I mean, they had stairs, a big yard, and a pool! Haha. She is a darling. Her whole family is so nice. I hope she liked her gift, if not, she fooled me. Before, I left she surprised me with her mom's biscuits and cinnamon rolls. A whole batch, just for meee! Those things are good.
  After that, I made a quick run to Its Fashion. I went in there with my male Bestest yesterday. I saw a few things that I wanted to come back to and try on. I got a black vest and a red cardigan. Score! =]
  By the time I reached my house, Cali was there waiting for me. He came by to see me before I left. He's a sweetie. He seemed extra handsome today...hm. He gave me a kiss on my forehead. [Gotta love those forehead kisses.] Anywho, my moms and I loaded up our things and I gave him a hug goodbye. Soon after, we picked up my lil cousin, he got recruited into the whole moving process too. Haha. I kissed my Grandma good-bye and hit the road.
  I didn't get too sleepy this time, but my eyes were low. Oh! Strangest thing happened when I stopped for gas. You know how the nozzle handle will jolt when the tank is full? Well, it didn't do that...so Im pumping and I hear this weird gurgle noise, next thing i know, gas spills from my car. Needless to say, it was full. Took less money than usual, so eh. My mom was like, "that is so dangerous...if someone throws a cigarette down thinking that is just water on the ground, they are gonna get hurt." Hm, wouldn't of thought about that.
  I hit traffic, called my Unc, found a detour. When we made it, my fam and I all got to work loading up my sister's moving van. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Finished up there, went to my dorm. Luckily, my homie was driving up when I arrived. He gave a helping hand in unloading my stuff. After some time, The Baller came over and chilled. Nice lil visit. 
  Now I must go to bed. I have to get up early. Haha. Clearly, I'm not gonna want to move out of bed, let alone, move my sister's stuff. Haha. 



Talk About Mood Swings...
  I was just sooo super wiped-out an hour ago. Pouting and what not. So I started to listen to Kanye's 808s & Heartbreak. First, I was mopping to "Bad News" then I started to listen to "Paranoid." This album came just in time to rescue me from my pointless disposition. I mean, from the beginning when he asks "Why are you so paranoid?" and you hear the laughing on the track, I began to crack a smile. He is right... "Baby, don't worry bout it. Hated? Don't even think about it." "You're worried bout the wrong things, the wrong things." Then he asks, "Tell me right now, do you really want to live your whole life alone?"
  Well, no I don't. No need to worry, its useless. I have been having an awesome break...no time to wallow in nostalgia now. I had a great time chillin with my male bestest today. Got me some good ol Zaxbys, his treat.  
  Jinkies, I love how music comes to my rescue. Forget dudes, music is my boyfriend. Okay, maybe not forget dudes all together... I talked to The Baller [code-name], trippin' with him helped me smile too. I'm going to see him in a few days. Thats my homie back at college. He and I have plans to see Seven Pounds, which I heard is awesome. So thats something to look forward to. 
  Now, I'm on the phone with Cali. One guy who has continued to stay by my side. Sweet, nice guy...clearly, I'm "worried bout the wrong things, the wrong things." =] 



Welcome to rock bottom, population: 1.
I know how to spelling it correctly [d-i-s-a-p-p-o-i-n-t-m-e-n-t]...its for effect. 
Anyways...I'm not in so great of a mood. I'm more mad at myself than anyone else. I hate this...feeling like this. I knew he wasn't gonna show, I knew it. I didn't even mean to get my hopes up...that jive came out of no where! I know better than to believe such a thing. My heart is freaking screwed man. If you haven't guessed, I'm talking about B.D. [code-name]
I hate how I unwillingly love this guy. He doesn't deserve it. I can be so so so cold-hearted towards them all, but when it comes to him... Its ridiculous, I mean he doesn't deserve this much emotion from me. If anyone, Cali does, but my heart is too damaged to do it. I could sit here and write "I'm so through with him...blah, blah, blah." I'm sick of doing that. Time after time I say it, but something always happens.  It's like a Keyshia Cole song skipping and on repeat. No one wants to hear that jive, even me!
I hate the mood it puts me in. I get short with people who don't have anything to do with it. I feel like a super value-pack of mess, that no one wants to buy. I begin to remember all the things that went wrong. It feels like with each breath, I should exhale an ice-cold sigh. I lay down and wait for my heart to slowly stop beating so it would match my cold, heartless mind-set. It just makes me want to give up the hope of love all together. Each time the next dude has a higher wall to climb. Each time I have a longer  distance to fall. Then boom! I hit the bottom. 
There are some many less fortunate people in the world, so I know I shouldn't waste my time being angry about it. It just hurts so much. I wish for once, I could just touch him and make him feel allll the pain. Let him see through my eyes and heart how it was when he wasn't there, when his words cut me deep, and most importantly, when I lost it all...our son.


Here is Some Visual Aid...
basically this is the photo(s) I promised would come later. I thought it would be neat to take a picture like this on his arm, right by his tat. 
So...geez, I have to remember where I left off. Mmkay, a day after Christmas. So basically, time for me to head back to school is nearing. =\ Hm. I'm really gonna miss being home. It's been a nice visit; I haven't really gotten bored at all. Too busy to, I guess. Speaking of busy, I seen the news coverage of the busy shoppers trying to rack up on deals. I really wanted to check out a few stores like Rue 21, see what I could get. However, money is low. My moms said she is gonna take my sis and I shopping when we go to Alabama in a few days to help my sister move. [Ima miss her, she was so close to my school. My weekend get-a-way.]
Saw my female Bestest today, she came by to get her gift and visit for a while. I love this girl like a sister. Its so crazy how we seem to click together so well, go through the same things in life around the same time. She is a true partner-in-crime. God forbid that should ever change. . She fits right in with the fam. You know, the kind of friend who can fix her own glass of water or plate of food for dinner. Haha. Top it all off, we both got a ring for Christmas.
While she was here, B.D. [code-name] texted me. I was kind of surprised...then again. He asked, "When r we gonna get up?" I replied, "When you come get me." So, to make a long story short, he is suppose to come get me tomorrow. I'm not gonna hold my breath. If he does show up, I hope we can actually get along and have a pleasant time. He wanted me to go with him tonight to a club where his friend was DJ-ing. I don't club, so I told him I rather not and we should just stick to the plan at hand.
After eating, Cali came and picked me up. We went to his Aunt's again. Mannn, I got drilled in the game of Trouble. His Aunt was crushing everybody! I lost my champ status today. After we left his Aunt's, we chilled at his house and watched Moesha! Haha. *sigh* Ima really miss hanging out with him and his fam. I like how things are like this...no labels, no complications, no obligations. It means so much more to me that we do things without the obligation. When you're in a relationship with someone, it feels like you're suppose to do, say, and feel certain things. But we share some of those things, despite the fact we are not in a relationship...feels more real, you know?
Tomorrow, well later today, I seriously have some things to do. I got to get up with my male Bestest. Love, love this guy. Haha. Thank God for him. More about him later, I'm sure. After spending some quality time with him, B.D. should be on his way, but we will see about that.
I don't know what is is about B.D. I mean, considering all we been through, I'm sure we are always bound to have some connection. It's just so crazy to me how we are. Apart, we can really crumble, but when we are together, in person...its like nothing ever happened. We are so cool, chilled. Dude knows me so well...can read me like a freakin' book and I tend to be difficult for most. I doubt we should ever get back into a relationship, but he claims he still has plans to throw up the big "I do." I could go on...but thats a whole other blog.



And This Christmas...
was a very special Christmas indeed. I hope the same goes for you and yours. Thanks for all the 'Merry Christmas' wishes!

Anywho, I didn't get back home yesterday til' like 2-ish in the morn. Cali [code-name] and I started shopping around like 11. I don't have to tell you how crazy it was out there. I got some sweeeet deals, including the $10 off purchase at JCPennys. Score! Haha. I managed to get 12/14 people on my recipient list a gift. I think I will pick up something for the last two later. I was sooo excited, not about the amount of money I spent [which was an all-time high] , but my family and friends' reactions. Especially my Grandma...she loves CokeCola, but I noticed she didn't have any in the fridge. I decided to buy a 12 pack and wrap it as part of her gift. When I gave her the gift, she shook it a little and said, "This is exactly what I need! Haha. Sho nuff is." Made my day right there.

All in all, the gifts were good, the food was good, the day was good. Thank God for that, you know. There are some many things that we have to deal with and worry about, but today was different. It's about the blessing of the day and the opportunity to be with people you love. I guess thats how it changes when you get older. As a child, you just focus on what you're gonna get. As you get older, you become excited about the things, time, and love you will share.

After my sister and I finished tripping out at my Aunt's house, I head to Cali's Aunt house, as I promised to do. He really had me in suspense about what he got me. After I open the gift from his mom, which is a bath set I plan to break in soon, he gave me the gift. I started to unwrap it...jewelry box. I opened it...I knew it either had to be earrings or a ring. It was a ring...well, promise ring, which he has yet to share the promise with me. His family started to trip me out. They were picking at us. Haha.

Man, I tell you...sometimes I feel like he deserves better, but God forbid that our relationship should end. I really do appreciate and love the guy...not for the materialistic things, but the way he finds a way to love me despite alllll my flaws. Thats something special there.

But...let me get off this computer...I'm still at Cali's.
Post pictures laterrr. God bless! =]



"Follow Thru", Yeah, About That...
So, after I finished writing that blog and was getting ready to go 
back to my G-ma's, I called my female Bestest. I wanted her 
opinion about the situation. You know, so I could confirm that I was 
not trippin'. She had just finished agreeing with me. Then I got a text 
from Cali [code-name] "Can i come get you now?" Man, I felt 
kind of bad then.
I mean, my point was still valid...but I did feel bad about getting 
short with him. Aw, that's my Cali for ya. Can never stay mad at him 
for too long. He even called to apologize on his way to get me. I told 
him, it was sooo unnecessary. He's was on his way, we had a 
misunderstanding, its cool. Jinkies, if the world was set right, I would 
be so in love right now. Something may be wrong with me.
Anyways, after I dropped off some things for my moms and sis, we 
went to his Aunt's. I was kind of nervous...silly right? I mean, it had 
been a while since I been in the fam scene. I was worried it wouldn't 
feel chilled as usual. I didn't have anything to worry about. Once I 
walked in the door his niece and nephew came running towards me.
Cali and I still fussed like "an old married couple," which his sister 
said. Tripped out with his mom and sis. Played with the kids. 
Cracked jokes with them all.
The subject of marriage had arose when I was talking to his mom 
and sister. They always pick at me and how I would hesistate to go 
on their family outings. I always tell them I don't want to intrude, but 
usually they convince me to come along...I'm mostly easily swayed. 
They asked, "What are you gonna do when you get married, you 
gonna tell your husband that?" I replied I didn't think I was gonna 
get married. I think I'm a little too difficult to ever get hitched. Cali 
says he would like for us to one day. I don't think I would do him any 
good...as of right now anyways.

Christmas? Its Tomorrow!
Well, I got my list made! =] Cali and I are gonna go shopping in the 
morn, then I will be chillin with his fam all day. Like he and I have 
said, "They have adopted me." Haha, who knows we just may jump 
the broom one day.



Are you serious...?
So, it seems that plans with Cali [code-name] did not follow through.  I was suppose to go to his house after I went to the cemetery with my G-ma. However, plans got pushed back a lil. When he was in town, I was just leaving to go get her. He was wondering if he should wait. I told him nah cause we got to go out wayyy in the country. I was under the impression he was gonna come back and get me when I returned home. The drive is only a few minutes. Sooo, I just called him: 
He says, "So are you gonna come see me?
I replied, "Yeah, when you come get me."
He says, "Ams, for real?!"
"Yeahhh, " I respond.
Then he continues to explain how he waited on me and how I told him to go ahead. Misunderstanding, basically. *sigh* I know, I could drive just as well as he, but I just feel he should come to me first...he's the guy. Call it old-fashioned if ya want. 
Hm, I don't know...
I'm starting to feel bad about that whole situation again. I know he cares more about me than I, him. That's why I decided we should just be friends. I believe he deserves better...ya know? Someone who will love him just the same. I don't want to just stop all communication with him, he is a very nice, respectable, cool guy. However, sometimes he starts to get too "heavy." Plus, I have come to the conclusion and accepted the fact that I'm into the "bad guys." Sorry.
I know you may be thinking "Typical! She finds a good dude, but don't want him." Well, yeah its true...but pardon me if I won't put him through heartache. I refuse to play with someone's emotions like that. After months of being in a relationship, I realized that I seriously doubted I could ever fall in love or give him the emotional support he wants/needs. I got some things to work out within myself. Call it what you want, shawty! Haha. But eh, tell me what would you do?
Anyway,my irritation may just be from how he continuously called to wake me up earlier. [Its this thing I would usually do, call him real early to wake him up on purpose.] I can't really complain cause I do it to him, but I didn't go to sleep til like 7. He wasn't the only one tho...I had like 5-7 calls! Don't you just hate that? You enjoying some goooood sleep, next thing you know...*ring, ring* on the celly! Haha. Hm, I reckon I'll go out there and visit him tomorrow. [Speaking of the devil, he just texted. Haha.]
I just got a lot planned for this week: 1. I need to go visit one of my best friends...we've been friends since kindergarten. I didn't get to catch up with her during Thanksgiving break. 2. I need to have an outing/pep-talk with this lil' girl I look after. Her sister called me and asked if I would have a talk with her cause she is acting up in school and her grades are slipping. So basically, thats a must do. 3. I have yet to go Christmas shopping. [maybe that should be #1] Haha. 4. I need to visit the B.D.'s [code-name] fam. Thats about all I can really think of. *sigh* Welp, I guess I'm bout to head back to my G-ma's...after I pick up a chocolate milkshake. =]



Are you photogenic?

My friends tell me I am. Then I look sideways. If photogenic means you have to take about 100+ photos, then you may have 0-5 good pictures out of that set...welp, then I can be considered photogenic. Haha.
My bestie (miss him) and I were discussing this...we both agree that we only have good pictures when we take it ourselves. I mean when someone snaps a pic of me...more often than not, I don't like em. Haha. I usually make faces or throw up the bunny sign...can't go wrong with that. Plus, I just like making faces and throwing up the bunny sign so...
Posted are a few pics that made the "cut." I think I look skinnier than usual in these, hence the title.

This Evening I Woke Up...
...and I really didn't get anything accomplished. When I got up, my moms and sis were walking in with groceries. So, I helped put them up. They also brought Zaxby's! How nice!
Couldn't eat it all, got full quick. After which, I decided to go ahead flat iron my hair. I was looking like Denise off the Cosby Show. Everyone can't pull that look off...including me.
I did not get any visiting done. I know I need to go see Cali [code-name] and his fam, but I just wasn't feeling it...well the driving there part. I enjoy chillin there. Doesn't feel awkward like the ex-boyfriend's house or anything like that. It's like they adopted me right into the fam. Plus, his mom can cooook! =] Always a plus.
Anyway, I text and arranged for him to come get me tomorrow. So I shall be at his house most of the day. That is after I go with my G-ma to the cemetery to put some flowers on G-pa's grave. I usually would make a fuss, but eh...I wasn't bothered to go. I know she needs/wants someone to go with her. 
Hm, I need to get my Christmas recipient list done. Cali and I should be going shopping Wednesday. Luckily, I'm not the only person who has yet to buy gifts. Haha. Hm, I reckon I'm gonna get him some polos. I'm not sure if I'm going to get The Baller [code-name] a gift. I'll tinker about that.

My mom gave me this today... She told me "You need this...see, it has an angel on it." Few days back she had to help me through one of my episodes. So, I knew what she meant. I really appreciate her being there for me. It's a candle holder if you were guessing. I know you may be thinking, "So what?! Its just a candle holder." Of course, it has no meaning to you, but I love gifts like this. It's not about the money behind it, but the thought.


So... *sigh* I was good and fast asleep.
Making the Zz's around 12 o'clock. Then, I'm
awaken to dogs barking. We do not own dogs,
but eh, its pretty normal. A lot of our neighbors do. 
So, I just shrugged it off.
It seemed like they were moving on down
the street. I got up to see if there was actually someone
outside cause they were barking for a while. Next thing,
I hear this bang against the house! Like the dogs were
duking it out right against the house. I was getting 
worried cause it sounded like a small dog and 
a big dog were involved. Trust me that sight is
not pleasant to see, at all. I woke up my moms and 
she began to look outside. The dogs were no where 
to be found, but it sound like they were brawling right
against the house.
Lo and behold, they were in fact...UNDER the house.
Some how they must of gotten behind this board we 
have up that blocks the entrance. Great man, just
It was funny to hear my moms stomping on
the floors tho. Haha. Eventually, they must of got out 
cause I don't hear them anymore...but now I'm up at
three in the morn. Just when I thought my sleeping 
routine was about to get back on track. 
I reckon I can guess again.



I am officially "home for the holidays!"
Feels good...feels pretty darn good. Thank the heavens I made it. Half-way there, I got really sleepy. This is the second time thats happened to me. I know it had a lot to do with me getting only like 4-5 hours of sleep last night and the heater in my car. That would do it. I think the white noise of the road has an effect on me as well. I'm just not the ideal road-trip companion...give me about 15-30 mins and I'm knocked out.
I called my G-ma, cause my sister was not very helpful, to keep me 
talking. Made a stop at Wendy's. After a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger, I was back on the grind, homie.
Mannn, I can't even explain how good it feels to be back. My sis and I
 chilled at my G-ma's for a while. I've missed her...
and her home cooking. Yummy in my tummy! She is a trip too. Snazzy lady, if I do say so myself. I know she must get lonely staying there by herself. While my sis and I were semi-fussing she said, "Ya'll I miss that. That fussing. Haha." I mean considering how packed that house was, talk about Full House, I'm sure there is a big difference. I pray we get to share many, many, many more moments like that.  
After watching a lifetime movie, we headed to the house and moms. Haha. I missed her too. We may all go to our separate rooms once we walk in the door, but we're pretty close. It's been just us three girls for forever. Haha.

In Other News...
I got that new Kanye, thanks to my future bro-in-law. Yeah, I'm late...but eh. So, I've been listening to all the tracks. I always like to find another favorite other than the singles on the radio. I really like "Paranoid" & "Robocop." From what I heard, it seems people either really hate or really love this album. It gets ✰✰✰ from me, pretty average. Tis all for tonight.

Numero Uno

Woot! My first blog-thingy! Look at me now, Twinnie.
Today, well...actually once I finish this post I shall be on
my way to my hometown, which is three lovely hours
away. I'm happy to make the trip though. I haven't been
home in a while.
I know this post is suppose to be the first impression
of my whole blog...but don't judge it just yet. But eh, if you
do, be my guest. Trust me, I will continue on as long as
this blog stays on my mind. =]
I reckon I shall blog once I've made it home!

Gossip G...
Just kidding! I do love that show.
More about that laterrr...

I dedicate my title to my new spanish-speaking friend of facebook.
He is extremely nice, sadly I have to google everything he says. =\