I try not to complain about things, not when I know for certain that I am blessed to have the people, opportunities, and things that I have in my life. That's what usually keeps me from expressing how I feel. That and because I feel like at the end of the day, most people don't really care, but...this is my blog and this is what is was made for.
So, Mother's Day is usually a blue day for me. Especially this year, because I feel more disconnected with the memories of my child. My son. I start to feel myself forgetting things and I don't like it. I know it is good to start to cope with loss. I don't want to forget anything, including the pain of loss because that is all I have of him. I don't know. My Bestest-F and a few other friends still send me a "Happy Mother's Day" text. That makes me smile. Feels good to be remembered.
As for my own Mom and Grandma, I plan on painting them something nice.
Birthday Blues...it's not my birthday, at least not until 14 more days. Anyway, my Mom texted me, stating that my Grandma wanted to know when I was coming home and I need to be available on the 21st. Okay.
Well my mom and I had a conversation about me coming home my birthday weekend just a few days back. I mentioned about coming home cause I had no real birthday plans, but she was like, "Nah, I'm sure your boyfriend will have plans for you."
So I reminded her about the convo and was like sure and asked why? Basically, my Unc-R had the idea to get everyone to come home and clean the property out in "the country", my Granddaddy's old home. She added "I forgot bout birthday." -__-
My mom was never one to make a big deal out of our birthday and I'm not complaining. She had a lot to do. Last year, I had my first birthday party for my 21st, which I planned myself. Good enough I say. BUT, I don't want to be there cleaning that day before, but I feel bad about complaining because I know it needs to be done. Just bums me out a bit that that was her (and probably my Grandma's) only reason to tell me to come home.
I've been at my beau's house the whole day today. He noticed the change in mood and I eventually opened up to him about it. The way his family celebrate birthdays is so different from mine. He also reminded me that his mom planned to cook my favorite Mexican food for me. On top of that, she may even get me a cake. Wow. I felt a bit bad cause that isn't her job, but she is willing to do that for me. So, the game plan is: Friday, go to cousin's scrimmage game, then leave for Swainsboro; Saturday, clean and then return Saturday night; Sunday, enjoy my birthday with my beau's family.
I hope my family, especially my Grandma or Unc-E don't try to guilt-trip me for leaving and spending my birthday with my beau's family. Like they had any plans to do the same...