The Smash & Dash [PG-13]

Ask my closest friends and they'll tell you. Usually, and I mean 97% of the time, in relationships, I can be such a guy. The roles seem to naturally switch. I'm not much for mushy moments most of the time. I can sit around playing video games all day. I usually find the guy to be more sensitive than I am. Just things here and there that I have picked up from past lovers and lusters. Methods that once hurt me, I now use in my defense.

One of the most stereotypical guy like habits I have obtain deals with sex. Tonight for instance: N.B. and I never had sex before and I liked it that way. When it comes to relationships, I think of guys as coloring pages that I'm coloring in with markers. Once I go outside the line with the guy, or make a big mistake with him, I feel like the page or relationship is ruined. So far gone, past the point of repair. Things tend to go all downhill from there.

Back to N.B. we never had sex, we were so comfortable with each other, and his apartment could be easily named one of my favorite places. Until tonight... Yes, I colored outside the lines.
The topic of sex came up. We always have been on separate ends of the issue. He thought sex wouldn't harm our relationship, he even suggest it would improve it. I, on the other hand, couldn't disagree more. My argument was that I feared his feelings would change afterwards. He even stated that us never having sex, was one of the things that separated me from other girls. However, he of course, disagreed.

I told him, if were to have sex "I'm leaving." He couldn't understand why I wouldn't stay afterwards. "You're like a dude!" is what he said. "You finally get it," I replied. He went on to plead with me to stay afterwards. I wasn't having it. I could tell he was conflicted: he wanted to have sex, but didn't want me to leave, for good. My rules was I wouldn't have sex with him unless we got married. Ha! I was tired of debating and hey, a bit interested, so after so much discussion, I nonchalantly said, "Lets go." [My tendency to be so nonchalant is another trait of mine, guys tend to not understand.]

We did it. Eh. Like I said, I quickly got dressed. As I was waiting for him to walk me to my car, I turned to give the apartment one good look-over. Silently, I said my final goodbye to my now former-favorite place.

Now as I think about it. Maybe my only fear wasn't the possibility that sex would change his feelings. Deep down, I think I probably knew it would change how I feel about him to. Sadly, the moment the act was engaged, we hit the point of no return. Now, I feel no longer interested and done. "Leave before you get left." Those words I tried to explain to him are just ringing in my head. Sigh, he was starting to become such a beautiful colored picture too...

On a positive note, at least I found out about his sexing before a marriage had commenced. Whew.

7/7 = Happy Day!

...and I was sooo right. Thank the Heavens. =]

Some background things, my favorite number is 7...my line number is 7. So the moment I realized the date, I claimed today as great.
Let's talk about today's greatness, shall we?

• First, I slept in as long as my hear desired. It was my day off. The monster of a headache I had last night was gone. No aleve. =]
• Second, I was getting so many positive vibes from others. After a much needed charge, I cut on my phone and noticed my inbox was full. Cleared the old messages away and what arrived? A warming "I Love You" from N.B. [Yeah, he is still around.]
• Third, I got to talk to my little bro today. He is my heart.
• Fourth, I got a few things cleared and set to go for the newsletter I'm an editor for.
• Fifth, I found out I was awarded first place for a scholarship I applied for! =D
• Sixth, I found out my Uncle was doing better. He was put in the hospital.
• Seventh, I ended the day tripping out and eating with my younger cousins. We joked and talked about yesteryears.

Like Ice Cube would say "Today was a good day." I believe it all stemmed from me claiming the positivity of the day. I remember being told in church once that when you pray, you should claim the things the want/need as yours. If you wish for better times, claim it as if you have it already. I thank the Heavens for all of the blessings today. Even if I may encounter some clouds tomorrow, I know I must claim the sunshine that is soon to come.

13.365

Prelude to a Kiss
Just when I start to feel numb to the things of young love. He always finds a way to tug his string connected to my heart…even after I thought I snipped it.

Tid.Bit.3

Just Got Paid, It's Friday Night...

    I meant to go out and shop on my own today. The time has flown by though. I think I'm bout to rush and put something on. Then maybe even treat myself to Applebee's! Yesss. N.B. just texted me, maybe he can come along. Then, I can get the 2 for $20 deal. Hmmm....

   As an early birthday [May 22] gift to myself, I was planning to buy this. Ima have to wait a week or two more, but I'm excited. =] I saw it on the commercial with Beyonce, but I wasn't sold til I played my little cousin's. So much fun and portable. Can you say fun on the go?

Speaking of that, here is my little cousin and I. I look cross-eyed or something for some reason in this and don't mind the off-key singing and my dance-face. Hehe. Who cares? We had fun! Enjoy.

Bounce!

And.The.Beat.Goes.On

    If I could, I would pull out the old school record and put the needle down to The Whispers "And The Beat Goes On." I mean, I have to admit... I was a little hurt that he didn't even want to try, but eh...it happens. In the end, I think it will be for the best. Its just, it made me feel like he felt I wasn't even worth the try. What is weird is, now, it seems like he is making me the bad person. Just cause I was willing to break it off now, instead of becoming more attached and waiting until I was about to get in the car for home. Why wait, when his decision was already made? I guess, he wanted to "pretend it wasn't happening" til after his birthday, Thursday. I didn't see the point, it was already out there...shoot "admit it, you did it." That's life though. You have to make some hard decisions. Hm, I will miss him though. I really will. 

"I might as well get over the blues. Just like fishing in the ocean, there'll always be someone new."

In Other News...

N.B. is coming into town Thursday. It has been a while since I mentioned him. Its just a lot happened before I even began this blog and its a tad tiring to try to totally fill you all in. To sum it up, he is a cool guy with nice style, like Mr. Bentley mixed with Common. Haha. We were talking once upon a time, but I just felt it was too good to be true. He was so popular and I didn't think I was his type, I didn't get why he was into me. I went looking for "the catch", made the mistake of asking around and listening to word of mouth and then we got a tad distant. Two weeks or so ago, I learned that his words were true [refer to vlog 1]. It was too late, or so I thought... I can't wait to see him. I love how he makes me feel like the most special person in the word. Even in my most bum-y of attire and just washed hair, he makes me feel so beautiful. Tehe. *blush* Don't worry I won't make him the rebound or anything, but I do plan to enjoy being in his company. 

As for the future, well we'll just have to see... 

Welcome.Backkk

Its the Spring Semester of '09...

...which would explain why I haven't posted in a few days.

I've been busy working and trying to figure things out. I was uncertain how I was gonna finish paying for school this semester. I hate the beginning of the semester for that one reason... I look at all that money and I just want to say, "I give up." Time to give the dope boys some competition. It's not just me, I'm sure. A few of my friends and I have already thought of alternative ways to finance our education: (opening) strip clubs, pimping, selling drugs. It's amazing how gangster a few college girls can be when pushed to the limit. Haha. I joke about it cause there isn't any need in me stressing...I can only do what I can and pray about it. Thank the heavens, things seem to be working out. For this year anyway...

My mom said next year I have to come up with a way to pay for housing. How am I gonna do that...I have no idea. The money I make goes towards food and other school supplies. [Luxuries are few.] Art supplies are not cheap. Please believe, I spent $70 on supplies yesterday and I haven't bought everything off the supply list or a book yet. [Big ups to my Grandma, without her...I couldn't have gotten that.] Oh well, I will deal with things as they com

e. I won't complain too much, I know someone out there is worser off than me. I'm applying to be a RA and to my dream school again. If I get the RA job, housing is covered. If I get accepted to my dream school again with a full scholarship...I'm outtie!

7 Pounds...

...is a t-t-t-totally awesome movie!

I went with N.B. [code-name] last night. There's a little history behind N.B. and I, but thats for later... Like I was telling my roomies, "It was not a date! ...its an outing." Haha...okay, so maybe it was a date. Thats besides the point. The movie was really good. Quite deep, man. *snap, snap* There were moments, I wanted to cry, but I'm too gangster to actually shed a tear. I did water up a little, I admit it. So all-in-all, it was a nice night. I love how when N.B. and I were walking, he will twirl me. Haha. He's a goof-ball. Me likey, but not as much as I use to. Like I said, more about that later.

P.S. So, I'm over my "sickness." Haha. I will admit, I did sneak in an extra dose of NyQuil to get a good night sleep. =] That was some great sleep too.